i am brave
hey stranger,
in the three weeks since i last wrote, i’ve slept in seven different beds. seven! different! beds!
all this moving around was feeling quite normal to me until i caught up with a few friends last week. their reactions to my stories of long buses and loud snorers and the movingmovingmoving remind me that this is, in fact, an unusual way to be living. they say, “i could never do what you’re doing!” but i think they’re wrong. it’s remarkable what you can get used to. human beings are so adaptable!
i performed at open mics in derry and galway in the last few weeks. it’s the first time i’ve performed since my last laurel hannah show in june of last year. a year ago, performing had become so un-fun. it brought on big self-criticism and perfectionism and sometimes full-on panic. being onstage had lost that feeling of freedom it used to bring out.
when i went to the void art gallery in derry, i thought it was going to be a rather put-together poetry reading. but once i arrived, everyone was passing around a paper where you could write your name… and that was all the information that was requested. when i considered signing up, i felt nervous, but not like i did a year ago, where i regretted agreeing to perform and felt like i’d made a huge mistake. this time the nerves felt innocent and sweet. it was fun to be scared. and when i sang, i liked how i felt.
reflecting on my two months of solo travel, i’ve realized something: i’m brave. and i’ve realized that that’s something i love about myself. i’m willing to take risks not in spite of my fear, but BECAUSE of it — that’s an intoxicating feeling. it’s a skill that’s easier to practice while traveling, when you don’t have the option of just staying at home feeling comfy.
i’m sending this message to you from the dublin airport, which was my last solo travel destination. in just a few hours, i’m meeting up with my honey in london, and from there we’ll travel around europe for the next month. it’s such an absolute dream.
i’m proud of myself for all of the bravery and discomfort of traveling thus far, but i’m definitely ready for a little more ease and comfort.
that’s all for now, folks. remember to practice being brave this week — it’s so fun.
